I have been a military spouse for almost six years, too short you might say. But believe it or not, it takes a stronger, braver person to be one. We are a special breed. We are Silent Ranks.
A week ago, I got a call from one of the leading travel agencies of India to discuss a collaboration opportunity. It was a FAM trip and in my sane mind, I would never say no. But I did. As much as I wanted to travel to an exotic place and also meet some popular travel bloggers, there was something that held me back. Who knows what would have happened if I had accepted the offer! It would have taken my blogging career to a whole new level. And maybe, I would never get such an opportunity again.
The soldier husband had to leave on duty on the New Year’s day. While it was supposed it be a two-day inspection/visit, he hasn’t returned home even after two weeks. He is at a high-risk landslide-prone area, day and night, there are no mobile networks and he has only twice sent a brief text to me in all these days – one on the anniversary of his comrade-in-arms Lt. Col. Niranjan’s death and one when he got a chance by sheer dumb luck.
While we fondly remember Lt. Col. Niranjan as the cheerful, young, dynamic officer, that constant fear of terror, fear and alarm do not go away from me even after all these years. Because in Fauj we say, ‘Love your spouse with the opportunity you have because no one is guaranteed a tomorrow.‘
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But does that mean the soldier wouldn’t do what is right? He most definitely would. I remember my husband going for a similar inspection a week after we got posted to this valley. It turned out to be a rescue operation with him trekking down the hill with two of his soldiers to rescue the careless bikers who had the nerve to cross a nasty landslide and instead brutally succumbed to the wrath of nature. Mind you, there was no equipment for the ops because it was a regular visit he was on, in the first place.
Then there was this cloudburst incident last year which washed off an entire village and a bridge that collapsed this year where he was walking on it only ten minutes before.
As much as I want to hold my tears back, put on a brave face and smile warmly to his Sahayak ‘bhaiyya’ who checks up on me every day, just to know if I am doing alright, I also try my best to not let loneliness drive my mind crazy or fear creep me off.
So, there you see, I couldn’t take up that one opportunity that I had been longing for since the day I started blogging because my heart wouldn’t be at it. No, he doesn’t till date knows about this because I do not want him to be bogged down by my worries.
As I lay on the bed this night, I cannot help but ponder over some harsh realities of my life.
As a young girl, I used to watch my Dad who served in the Territorial Army wear his uniform with a certain pride and twinkle in his eyes. I used to ride in the backseat of his Army Jeep, while he received and returned salutes from all the soldiers as the vehicle strutted by. Oh yeah, the Indian Army was a magical world in the eyes of a thirteen-year-old which made her swear that she would get married only to a Military Officer. In my late teens, I wanted to be like one of those beautiful Army Wives who were always prim and proper flaunting a gorgeous chiffon saree on a coffee morning or sip a glass of wine and partied hard at night.
But, little did I know that life in the Army is no ballroom dancing!
While I do not regret my decision to be a military spouse even after all these years, I had to make a lot of sacrifices along the way, just like other Army Wives. For starters, I sacrificed our ‘honeymoon’ because he had to report on duty within a week. Did I hear the song ‘Toh Chalun’ from the movie ‘Border’ in the background? Hell yes!
I had to leave my dream job in an MNC after a decade of working because I was given an opportunity to go abroad for a two-year project. And now, like the fate of many of the Military Wives, I am contemplating to teach in a school nearby for I have a B.Ed degree after a Professional Postgraduate degree. Because it just sucks to ask your husband for pocket money every single time.
However, there are hardly a handful of months left for us here and no school or company will hire me for this duration. Yes, before we know it, we will be packing and unpacking our ‘trunks’ at a new location. And rest assured, will be on the lookout for all different varieties of creepy insects and crawly creatures if it is at a modified field area which is mostly amidst a forest or desert, or atop a hill. Sometimes, it would be a temporary ‘quarter’ for six months by which most of your stuff would be out of the ‘trunks’ because God knows you have to live a normal life. Then you could move to a permanent quarter which requires further packing and unpacking.
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And…
When the soldier isn’t around we don many hats including that of a plumber or an electrician and of course a driver, getting our kids’ admission in school at the middle of a term. Ah, I am yet to experience that phase of my life, but you can imagine having to do the responsibilities of a Dad too.
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Separation anxiety is a harsh reality of our lives and we cope up with that by making new friends at every station we are posted to and doing our bit by supporting and encouraging all the families. I can’t be any more proud of the man for, even after all these years, every morning when I see him polish his stars and stripes that adorn his shoulders, I still have a smile on my face and a sense of joy.
I know what I signed up for when I decided to get married to an Olive Green. Yes, I do. I moved across the country, left my family and friends all to be left far from home, alone. When I hug him before he leaves for a deployment, I know I wouldn’t get another one for months. There is a tight knot in my chest always but I still wear rose-colored glasses and always be my cheerful self.
So, you see, I serve too – maybe not elegantly as the soldier, but for sure, as a Silent Rank!
I wear no uniforms, no blues or greens
But I am in the Army of the Ranks rarely seen
I have no rank upon my shoulders- salutes I do not give
But the military world is the place where I live
I’m not in the chain of command, orders I do not give or get
But my husband is the one who does, and this I can’t forget
I’m not the one who fires the weapon, who puts my life on the line
But my job is just as tough, I’m the one that’s left behind
My husband is a patriot, a brave and prideful man
And the call to serve his country not all can understand
Behind the lines I see the things needed to keep this country free
My husband makes the sacrifice, but so do the kids and me
I love the man I married, military is his life
So I pledge to support my hero
And stand among the silent ranks known as the MilitaryWife… – Unknown
That’s all for now, folks!
January 15, we celebrate the Indian Army Day and I knew I had to write this post.
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Behind every successful soldier is a very brave wife . We the people of India owe you women in the silent ranks big time for your heroism in smiling through it all . I too am a military brat and know how my mom had to eventually become a teacher to fulfill her desire for an independent career . When my dad was posted to a non family station I never understood why her friends used to smirk when we told them that we lived in the separated family quarters . But life without dad made us all very strong and independent and I’m proud of being a military brat. I would love that life again! A childhood where we helped pack the boxes every 18 months or so. Having new neighbours. Having people share your home for a day or two while they were moving out or moving in .
Service life is really the best.
Chin up Kohl Eyed Girl . We are proud of you ! Keep smiling and happy Army Day.
Very nice site & post.
This post made me tear up. As a wife and woman, you are making huge sacrifices in your strides. I don’t know how anyone could repay our Army for all their work. Lots of love to you, Shalini! We are so proud of you!
Shalu, you brave, brave girl! My heart goes out to you as I imagine you writing this post, all alone and bundled in all your woolies. Everything appears so great from a distance, only when you come closer the realities stare at you in all their true colors. It is a shame you couldn’t taske up the fam trip but I know you couldn’t have done it with your heart someplace else. I am sure opportunities will present themselves again and that time the circumstances too shall align themselves in your favor. Love and hugs dear girl. Stay cheerful, you are afterall an army gal!
Every time I read any of your posts related to your army life, to your hubby’s life, I get goosebumps .Shalini! A BIG Salute to you, too, coz you are your hubby’s backbone, his confidence and his silent supporter apart from being his love and life partner. You are truly no less than a brave soldier!
God bless you, girl!
Love and hugs!
That’s a tough gig for both of you and I’m amazed at the sacrifices you’ve made. Moving around constantly, living in fear for your partner, all would be way too hard for me. I think you’re amazing! Take care!
I’m in tears as I type this out. I’m sure everyone knows that you are a Braveheart but I am awestruck by your ability to juggle your writing, YouTube channel while going through so much. Salute to you and every army spouse who are the biggest strength of an army officer.
You made me tear up! I salute you and P’s spirit. You guys are amazing and as much as I try, I can’t even imagine everything you both do for India. For the country millions call ‘ours’ but only a few like ‘you’ serve.
My mama was in army so I have heard stories. I won’t say I understand but I would say – the school teacher would be a good idea. How about teaching kids at home? Or Social media tips and tricks?
Hugs and love to you both! And yes, Muffy is now with you. He is sure a great addition to the Nair family. ❤
I would like to think that your brave happy face helps your husband do his job in a much better manner. It takes guts to open up about these fears that we always tend to hide and never show. So proud of you!! God Bless!
I have watched many movies, but have never come across someone who belongs to the army background. Seriously, this is an eye opener for me, Shalini. You are right we just see the smart uniforms and peaked caps, no one sees the wife standing silently behind the man waving at his man cheerfully while she is shattered inside.
I can’t even imagine how it would be like! You are a brave girl for taking this tough route and for sacrificing so many things in the process. Take care! Keep smiling! Happy Army Day!
I read you and hear you, dear Shalini. Each and every word resonates within me as well.
You summed it up perfectly….. our imperfect lives that keep us going. Sending virtual hugs and you know I am a message away, always.
No words can express what I felt while reading your story. It surely touches the heart to say the least. Sending all the strength and courage your way. How silly I find that we, the citizens, get weighed down by such small obstacles life throws at us and where as you wonderful women bear much more with a smile always on your face. Keep smiling always! Lots of love! 🙂
No words can express what I felt while reading your story. It surely touches the heart to say the least. Sending all the strength and courage your way. How silly I find that we, the citizens, get weighed down by such small obstacles life throws at us and where as you wonderful women bear much more with a smile always on your face. Keep smiling always! Lots of love! 🙂
Hugs, Shalini. You and P have my respect and admiration.
I was only 15 days old when my Dad left for the 1965 operations. He left Mum alone with 3 young kids and constant news of fellow soldiers losing life and limb. I don’t know how she did it, but she did. In 1971, I have memories of the day he left – we took a family picture in the morning, just in case…. Getting that phone call through was so hard. Again we constantly go news of casualties. Again, I’m not sure how Mum braved it out, but she did.
Yes, the Silent Rank is often forgotten. But not for us who’ve seen it up close. ♥
Lots of love, Shalini, and thankyou for all you do from the silent ranks.
It is a hard life, one I have seen only from the periphery through friends, but this post brought it all home to me. Take care of you.
Hugs, Shalini. I know of the army life only from stories I’ve heard from my best friend and some cousins. It’s not easy, especially when your spouse is deployed to a border area. The tension and worry is a constant. Hats off to you for your bravery and for your cheerful attitude.
I am all goosebumps reading your post. As a civilian, I could have never known about what the families and especially spouses of Army men go through. You have a difficult life is an underestimation. I think more like a parent rather than a wife so I used to always pacify myself that my raising a child single-handedly is no big deal because there are several defence families who are doing the same alone. My world would have remained limited to this thought if I had not read your post, really. Hats off!
I have a lot of friends with husbands in the army and the airforce so I get a little bit of the space you’re coming from. You are indeed the silent rank. It must take a huge amount of courage to constantly know that your loved one is in danger and yet to live with a smile and laugh. Hugs Shalini and a happy Army Day.
Ah Shalu…. so so get you. I have been one such silent rank for 14 years. And trust me, much as I speak of being strong. It has been very very difficult. Expeially at imes when the kiddo hasnt been well, and I have rushed to the hospital with her. Oh wait, I got myself admmitted on my own when I was pregnant.
You have indeed sacrificed a lot, and you would continue to do so , because I know for sure, you are immensely proud of your soldier. Slay it girl!!!!
You know I have always admired people like you, Ramya and Inderpreet. The amount of fortitude this role requires is no mean feat. You will always have my respect, awe and admiration.
Hugs.
A big warm hug to you, Shalini!! This post gave me goosebumps. What you and all the army wives go through everyday is something that we can never imagine but I would like you to know that I am super proud of you and P. Take care. Keep smiling and Best wishes of the Army Day!
I so so hear you…Shaalu. Been there, seen that and endured all for the last 14 years. There are always times when we put our family and ‘him’ above all other chores and trust me..it is all for our own good. Believe me gal, everything falls into place as and when the time comes. For a decade, all my certificates and skills were locked away in a trunk and I was busy caring for my son( remember about his medical condition?) and going through mental agony, thanks to the unknown locations ‘he’ had to travel and of course, being a part of the ‘ladies circus’ err ladies circle :p ..you know what I mean. And, I am still saying ‘no’ to many offers coming my way! So, just stay positive, keep yourself busy and be your awesome self…You will always have opportunities knocking your door. God bless ❤