Been almost an year, most things forgotten
Musing over the ‘if onlys’ and toying with the idea
The decision I made that affects my present
as well as tomorrow
I wish I could undecide
and release the ghosts of my past.
Out of reach, taunting its very being.
I bet you find this mildly entertaining
a neat waste of time
Already given the power to make me feel so small.
Silence separates, lingering whispers,
whispers in the void, confide in the cold.
“Just a cold, Will muscle through it,
it’ll pass, will be fine”, they say.
But I needed you, to fill the gaps in my fingers,
to calm me down when I shiver.
But you never returned, you didn’t want to.
You regret, I cherish.
You are offended, I hold dear.
“You said the three words, not me.
You were obsessive, you lost me.
You are a liar, you nag, you complain,
You begged, I agreed to share my angst”, you said with a smile.
When all I wanted was
to take your face in my palms,
to wipe away your tears, your fears.
To make you believe in love again,
to pin faith on hope.
“I wish the news of my death also doesn’t reach you”,
you put the final nail in the coffin.
I wish, you could unbreak my heart!
that I could believe
some where out there you’re still thinkin’ of me.
I curl up into a ball, seek refuge
Daunting, relentless screams within
Another life, another time
where love is not lost, but will find a way.