Musings Uncategorized

.. and Life Goes On..

Yesterday was day 1 in a new apartment with new roomie. Unlike me, she had to be at work and I was home house alone (can’t call that room of bricks as home) from dawn to dusk, crying myself to sleep. My husband has left as part of work, may be for two years. There was no time even for a proper good-bye. Packing and moving the entire home, the car, bike and all that comes attached, the documents, things I need to take with me to the new apartment, the rent, the lease, flight tickets, the booking, the re-scheduling, God! Absolute Chaos! And believe me, it has only begun. The first transfer/shifting after my wedding to the Olive Green. It also is the first separation, just a start to the many that will come by, more or less like a routine every two-three years.

Even while I was in the verge of tears, trying to hold myself from sobbing in front of his subordinates, I had to put on a brave face, smile warmly and thank each of them for their help and support. I had to wish his superior Officer a very happy birthday, convey my regards to his wife and kids and even his dog without forget, do courtesy calls to the senior ladies, assuring them that I will be in touch even when I knew it was unnecessary.

There was a time in life when I was overwhelmed by the mammoth amount of pampering which I received in the form his love and care. I lived a life of comfort , privilege and respect and I needn’t have to bother about any petty things that came in my life’s way. Well, even the routine grocery purchase for home was cherished with utmost love because of his busy schedule and mine.These should however be considered a fortune in one’s life, that I could live the life of a queen. But I loved my independence, the freedom of going out alone for shopping or taking a walk on the country roads or exploring the city. It’s just that these were wrapped and delivered in fancy gift papers, tied with a golden bow.

Oh I did complain! When I first knew that he had to be away for two years and more, though in my sadness I believed it was an opportunity to be my old self, the career-oriented, independent woman. He respected my opinion of staying back for work and not joining him.

It was one hell of a day, today. My cab didn’t come to pick me up and for the first time after my wedding, I booked a cab to reach the office. My manager had the balls to ask me why I hadn’t reached on time even though clearly the transport administration is not my issue to deal with. He had the audacity to point fingers at me for not booking a private cab early in the morning at five o’ clock. One complaint is all that is needed to sack him and yes I did that, though in my utmost humility and politeness I sent an email copying all the higher heads and informing to take care of my security and responsibility if I have to be at work at wee hours in the morning by a private cab. Things were far from worse as I took a wrong bus and ended up at another corner of the city than my new apartment. If it was a day before, I would have simply dialed in his number to either drop me to office or pick me back home.

I took an auto, reached the apartment and then walked. Walked to discover new shops, the beauty parlor (Oh, I got a cool haircut even 😉 ), the chicken and eggs shop, the super market, restaurants, hospital, medical shops and so on. I even found a gym/zumba/aerobics/yoga class too. Who knows, may be I will even take it up! And now here I am, rambling.

I have been offered some free unsolicited advice worth every cent you pay for it and less. Or sympathies which are uncalled-for. You should quit your job, Family should come first, Oh God, what an opportunity to stay with him in peace for two years and you are throwing it away? You should take a transfer to Delhi (even if it means I should deal with some worst nightmares), and the worst, why did he decide to abandon you?

Let me ask. Is it worth all this fuss?

“There is strong. There is Army strong. And then there is Army Wife Strong.

– Aditi Mathur Kumar, Soldier and Spice-an Army Wife’s Life

I don’t know if mulling over the decision I took would help me. And I clearly do not know what life has in store for me. May be, I will quit and run back to the safety of his arms. May be, I will stay back as long as I can. But, I’m definitely going down a rocky road this time, afraid to take even one step at a time, as if life has come to a stand still. But I guess, it just goes on… irrespective of the choices you make.

Am I being overly dramatic? Well, sort of.

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