What is it like losing your loved one…forever? Why is it always difficult to understand death? Why does it arrive when the most unexpected?
Yesterday, I was jumping with joy, declaring to the world that it was the best day of my life. And today, I have hit rock bottom. I have lost a loved one and I don’t know how to cope up with the fact that he is no more in our lives. He was my favorite uncle, my Dad’s younger brother….someone who loved and adored us as kids… someone who always made it a point to bring a smile on our faces, who took us cousins, to movies and parks and beaches and outings and everywhere our parents didn’t take us. I remember as a kid running behind him for anything and everything, whether to tie a swing on the porch for our “Onam” festival, buy crackers and pattakas spending close to five grands for Diwali or Vishu, taking us to the biggest water theme park in India, waiting for that fresh 1000-rupee note as “Vishukaineetam” from him(the max anybody can give us kids!), getting us hot porattas and thattudosas from thattukadas, for long drives and you name it, you have it.
I wish I could be home..be right beside my dad, supporting him in this difficult phase of his life. But by the time I reach home, it’ll all be over. I wish I could see him again..alive!
Why couldn’t God give us time to say a simple goodbye? Why couldn’t He let us know that our time in this world is about to end? Why should things come to a sudden halt? Why isn’t there time for anything? Why is the clock always ticking? Why isn’t there time to open up and say what’s true to your heart?
There is nothing that’s left behind now. I’m never going to see him again, neither feel his warm hug, his touch, hear his pleasing laugh, calling me “Shalu….” Nothing! What will his two adorable lil’ kids do? I can’t even imagine myself in their shoes.
Now, I’m scared! When a friend of mine asked me what my biggest fear is, I replied him, ‘lose of sight’! And now I guess, it’s death….like for anybody else. I’m scared maybe I don’t have enough time with my parents, my sister, my cousins, relatives, husband, friends, foes and “some-relationships-can’t-be-named” bonds. Makes me wonder, do we have time to hold on to a grudge? Will life give you another fair chance? I guess not! I wish I could meet every single person again whom I’ve come across in my life till date, I wish I could tell them how special they were in my journey of life and if bad, then we could start over again and that I need you in my life back again.
I wish we all had adequate time………before we say Goodbye, once and for all. Have us in your prayers.
RIP, uncle 🙁